I was rolling pastry for apple pies this morning (the best I've ever done I might add!!) and one tends to let the thoughts wander upon occasions such as this. So ...mine did. I was thinking about blogs, mine in particular and trying to get a feeling for what to write about.
My description of it is a search for creativity.....a journey to find what creatively I want to do....a constant problem with me it seems. My workshop is filled with a multitude of artwork, some of mine and some of members of my family (aunts and grandmother). I have a cupboard, shelves and drawers full of supplies...paint, clay, accessories, material, wool, etc etc.. .....which says to me that there are so many directions to go in. How does one choose...or does one combine them all in various and sundry combinations and see what emerges.....it's a quandary. I do admit that when I finally got down there to spend time puttering, it was glorious and I could have stayed down there much longer. The "little grey cells" started working again and ideas started rising to the surface.
The other side of my "creative personality" is writing.....I love writing when I can get my thoughts in order (not always happening!!). My mind is very fertile and if I could write everything down that goes through my head, it would fill pages I'm sure. I know when I am in a "sleepless in Kamloops" mode, the thoughts and stories that go through my head are amazing and I know I should try to get them down on paper or at least into the computer. I also journal a lot....on the computer ....in a number of books.....I would like to get them all centralized...a project for the future I expect. The late Frank McCourt said something to his creative writing class that stuck with me....it was that if one wants to write, then write….about anything and everything, just keep writing and writing and eventually you will find a pattern to what you are doing and will see the direction in which you are to go....at least that's the way I perceived what he wrote and it makes sense.
Of course there is always the music side of things, but that has a time line. One can only keep up the standard required for so long, then it's time to pass the torch onto someone else. I haven't reached that point yet.....but I hope I will know when it comes. Each year it gets more challenging to keep up the practice and energy required for each concert. However, I do so love playing in the orchestra....it gives me the opportunity to take part in the classical music that has been in my soul from day 1. The way my heart fills and expands when a certain phrase of music is played, it's positively amazing......I have been brought to tears whilst playing a performance...much to my consternation.....Sometimes when I'm listening to my CD's I just stand up, raise my arms and should "Yes...oh yes!!!" I move to music...any music...but classical hits my core.....and some parts of opera are breathstopping for me. So when the playing stops the listening will continue to the end of my days....
So....all in all my creative juices are still flowing, albeit somewhat erratically. I do believe I will ultimately find a direction to go in....and I need to take some time and write down a list of directions and projects and then sift through them and think about which is reality and which is fantasy. I also think that the way I approach the whole aspect of creativity needs looking into as well. Do I do it for myself, for money, for other people? I tend to think that doing it for myself is the primary goal....and if the rest come after that's ok. It's me that has to be satisfied and fulfilled before I can think any further. After all, if I'm not enjoying the process and the results of my labour....who else will?