Saturday, May 08, 2010

A touchy subject.....

Quite some time ago in another life (just kidding!!) I mentioned here that I was trying to lose weight and wouldn't talk about it, but would just get on with it. I'm thinking, in retrospect, that might have been a mistake. I probably should have talked about it and then maybe I wouldn't have fallen off the the wagon at the end of last year.

Sparkpeople (hereafter known as SP) came into my orbit a couple of years ago (maybe longer) by my DD and at the time, I just bookmarked it and left it at that. However, due to health issues etc....I thought I would explore it further, as I don't do well in group weight control settings. I didn't realize how extensive a site it is so when I did my exploration I realized that it was probably what I was looking for. It was on the computer (as was I....a lot!!)and I could make use of as little or as much of the site that I wanted...and best of all was FREE.....perfect!! I was diligent to the point of obsessiveness at first....finding out nutritional data, tracking my food, exercise and weight daily. I lost 50 pounds in about a year and then proceeded to plateau for about 6 months....all the while still documenting my progress or lack thereof. Around Christmas time last year, I decided to give it a break....I was tired of the lack of progress, the tracking procedure, the whole thing. I rationalized this by saying I was trying to see if I could control my eating habits.

I couldn't.

About a week ago I was feeling down (a common problem with me at this point) and it occurred to me that maybe I should return to SP and give it another go.

In the interim, I had read many different weight loss blogs (there are a LOT of them out there) and I came across one written by a lady, probably slightly younger than me, a Canadian (Yayyy!) and who had similar disability problems as myself. It didn't seem that she was that overweight, in fact it was, for her, more about keeping healthy and least that's the way I read it. It was not a fancy was just quietly telling her viewpoint and I kind of related to it.  I had also read a lot of food blogs as well and consequently  found myself trying out new recipes and realizing that I can do this without losing the joy of eating....which is where it's at for me and always has been....and no doubt always will be. I had also started going to a Ladies Only gym and been set up with a program that worked for me....and at first it was a challenge, but now I really enjoy it.

So I'm set up to try again.....

As it turned out, I had gained about 25 pounds (so much for "controlled eating") but that word control figures prominently in my days now. I feel much more in control of my life what I eat and how I exercise. I didn't realize how much I was floating until I got the anchor back.....and about the fussiness of the constant tracking???
Well....I just decided that the less I eat between meals the better....then all I have to track are my meals and that's not a problem. I have also set up my gym program on SP so I can track and mark what and when I do the exercises and it tells me approximately how many calories I burn. Even since I've started my energy level has gone up and my interest in things around me has increased, and the depression is lifting. I've been gardening, practising and listening to my all in all, it seems to be a positive outlook. I feel as though I'm going forward instead of standing still or slipping backwards.

Generally speaking my take on losing weight hasn't changed a whole's all about quantity and quality. Eat good food, eat food that you love, just eat less of it.....and some way shape or form.  One obviously has to be aware of the nutrition of the food you eat, but once you've done it for a while, it's just second nature. I have one hundred pounds more to lose.....and I've given myself a year to do it. My only concern at this point is  ...that after the loss of 50 pounds, I still had not gained control over my eating habits. The rationalizing, skewed view of my body and food's all still there and leapt to the forefront in my mind when I made that decision to stop losing weight. The initial relief at not tracking my progress was transformed quickly into making excuses, constant worry and fretting about my appearance (read weight!). Somehow I am going to have to find the strength to believe in my ability to control my diet....and I mean diet as in what I eat...not as in losing weight. It's all about one day at a time I think.....that's the only way I can look at it. Otherwise I get overwhelmed....and then it's all downhill from there.

So there you have weight loss story (or at least the part that I'm willing to talk about!!)


1 comment:

T. said...

You can do it!