Aftermath....

After I published the last post I thought I would feel better....and I did...for a while. However, as grief does, it attacks you in other ways...especially in your weakest areas. In my case I ended up in a lot of physical pain,compounded by the emotional pain of loss. It was a situation I was totally unprepared for. 
However, I am now on the mend...

It's been a deep dark hole I've been in... filled with pain and anguish....which I'm sure sounds very dramatic but it's the only way I can describe how life has been for me recently. The grief threw me into a fibromyalgia "flare" which caused depression, insomnia and much physical pain. Sorting it all out without counseling has been a challenge.   I have my "cave" to retreat to where my emotions can be taken out, sorted and examined without involving anyone else.....just me. Now I'm having much more positive experiences than negative and the longer days with more daylight have added to the positive side of things. I've also started jotting down  the more negative thoughts to expunge them from my mind so they don't contaminate the good stuff. I don't seem to have the ability to separate positive and negative within my head, so I have to get it out on paper where it makes sense and then I can dump it into the emotional trash bin. I have also allowed myself to remember and shed a few tears and finally things get put into perspective ...

Although I have lost a dear friend, I still have much to be thankful for.....a loving husband, great kids and the anticipated arrival of a new grandchild in August, the love of other family and friends and the chance to do whatever I please whenever I please....the benefit of old age and retirement.

Sure...there will be other times when the darkness will creep in....but having got through this and other past experiences, I get stronger each time.....

Slainte!