Tuesday, July 18, 2006

A little less US and a little more ME!!

Ok, so I'm running into this problem.....what do I blog about???
I sit here and my mind runs through a myriad of subjects.....none of which seem appropriate for this blog. ...probably because my life is not very interesting at the moment.....in fact it's kinda boring!! However, that's nobody's fault but my own I guess. I have to make my own entertainment. I have been cogitating on an upcoming situation though.....

This weekend, DH is heading down to Victoria to pick up belongings that can't be transported to Boston by our "travelling offspring" and so will be stored at our home in Kamloops. This is a huge deal for me because since we have been here, I have not been alone for any length of time. I also am planning to travel to Sun Peaks on Saturday BY MYSELF to hear the KSO et al play.

Now I emphasize the whole BY MYSELF thing, because since I arrived in Kamloops with DH I have been fighting depression....not so much from the move, but from a lot of stuff and baggage that preceded it over a number of years. I have made much progress with the help of a wonderful counsellor, but there are things that I still have to push myself to do and venturing out on my own is one of them. I did do the drive from Kamloops to Hope to pick up the "travelling offspring" with no problem last summer, but that was a route that I knew well.....plus having the complete recording of La Boheme playing was wonderful .

When I think back to living in Langley , I remember that going out in the car during the day was stressful for me, unless it was to go pick up the kids from school or similar....anything else had to be planned to last detail and thought about etc....unless of course, DH was doing the driving. So a lot of my days were spent at home. I'm finding that to be the case now and I just KNOW that it's not healthy....so.....pushing myself to get up and out there is a big priority for me. This weekend will be a challenge to see if I find some excuse to NOT go to Sun Peaks.

It's funny though...the stress is all in the anticipation....once I'm out there on the road, I love it. I love to drive, I love the freedom. A few years ago, I would come up to Kamloops to play in the orchestra and I would drive the whole way on my own and just revel in it. I need to get that feeling back....a lot of the "not driving" was local stuff...and I still have problems with that....trying to figure out how to get places.

I'm actually quite capable....I think it's all about confidence in my abilities to cope with any situation. I mean.....one of the reasons I got a Volvo when I bought a new car in 2001 was so that I would have a safe reliable car for ME to drive around in......and it has proved to be so for the most part...the trouble is...it's not ME driving around in it....it's US.....which is not a bad thing, just a little less US and a little more ME would be a better thing.


No comments: